If you haven’t already read this book, go read Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson.
I had tried to be a professional dancer, but it didn’t work out because I was very inexperienced, emotionally numb, and very much in trouble with my body. I had injuries that weren’t healing, no matter what I did. To be truthful, I didn’t follow doctor’s orders, mainly because it was too hard to remember and to think about. I didn’t want to accept I was injured. Looking back, I realise now that I should have talked to people about how sad I was to be injured, and I should have read books about athletes with injuries, and learned about what that process has been like for others.
I decided to see this massage therapist because I was desperate. I wanted to heal so badly. I knew better because I knew something was weird about them, but I wanted to do anything and everything to fix my body. It meant that much.
I go to this person house. They hurt me from behind while I am turned around. I notice there are skulls in the basement, and I don’t ask much but feel scared. Strangely, they put the heel of my foot against their vulva (female massage therapist), while they are sitting down. I ask them to stop because I felt very uncomfortable with that. I didn’t see it coming because they were wearing clothes. They complained and got annoyed but replaced their body part with their feet. Things proceed, and I feel a very strong sexual vibe in the air. They leave so I can get undressed on the table. I set up my phone video camera because I felt like something was off. I was too scared to leave, and I didn’t think that I could get out if I tried. I was in someone’s basement, and they could easily lock me in their house or beat me up. I only remove my top, because I felt very uncomfortable.
While on the table, they pressed their vulva once again on me, this time against the side of my right buttocks. They grinded against my leg while they massaged my back with their hands. Eventually, while I was laying on my stomach, they brought my hand behind me up to their chest, so that my hand touched their breasts, and pushed up and down against them. Sort of like I was caressing them without meaning to. I asked where my hands were, and they didn’t give an answer. Only that many other people became disoriented during a massage and didn’t know where their body parts were.
I left feeling very scared. All of a sudden, many things changed for me. I was way more nervous, but the reality of the assault didn’t sink in until three months later. It was a hard time. The anniversary of this event is Feb. 24th. I’ve heard that many sexual assaults take place in the weeks following Valentine’s Day.
After the event, I told a counsellor. This counsellor threatened to hurt me if I ever told anybody else about this because they were worried about the massage therapist’s career and reputation. They said it wasn’t assault, and that they were great friends with the massage therapist.
I told another counsellor. They first believed me and said it was assault. Afterwards, once I revealed who it was, they took back their statement and said that it wasn’t assault, and that that person had done the same things to them. That the only bad thing this person did was not ask me for permission beforehand.
The first counsellor told me that lots of genital and breast touching were normal for this type of massage therapy because it was experimental and different than what people normally do. They showed me pictures online of other clients and therapists, and truly, there was a lot of physical touching and contact. Way more than I had experienced with the many other massage and physiotherapists I had been with in the past. I’m too scared to search this type of massage therapy up on the internet again. Mainly because I don’t know its name, and I don’t want to look at this person’s website. Also, because I don’t want to be told that genital and breast touching is normal, and to subsequently feel assaulted all over again.
Style is Internal 